Circumstance
by Dem0nFl0wer
Summary: 1xR. 1x2. You can't help who you fall in love with, and some times fate and circumstance won't coincide to give you what you want.


Circumstance  
  
  
Later on, newspapers would remember January 23, AC 196 as a sunny day. Cold, but that was to be expected in January, sunlight glinting off the powder white snow into the vibrantly blue sky. It was a perfect day, weather wise, as if nature were celebrating the end of the war. Me, I don't remember any of that. All I know is that I had just given my life to the war effort, my skills now obsolete in the newfound peace. I didn't know what I was going to do. The weather, my surroundings: it was all pointless. I couldn't have cared less.  
  
I took the train home from the space port, Relena meeting me eagerly in front of our house. She wrapped her arms around me, and I allowed her to pull me into the kitchen, where she fixed me the first home cooked meal I had eaten in a year. It didn't taste any better than ration bars; not to me, any way. A quiet kind of desperation clawed at my stomach, an overwhelming hopelessness smothered me, and I wanted to throw up. I didn't have a job. I didn't have any useful skills. And for some reason, Relena smiling at me from over the table didn't make me feel any better. I had to get out.  
  
"I'm going to the bar."  
  
A frown creased the corners of her mouth. "Heero, you just got home. You aren't just going to leave me, are you?"   
  
But I had already stood up, making my way towards the door. "I'll be back by ten."  
  
"All right, by ten, then. I love you."  
  
"Love you too." I was amazed at how automatically the words came out, and wondered if there was still any meaning behind them.  
  
Our house was in a working class district on one of L2's colonies. Relena Yuy, once Relena Peacecraft, was used to a lot better than that. She came from an aristocratic family, and in my eyes she was always the princess locked up in an ivory tower. She was sheltered, naïve, kind, and when destiny threw us together in high school I fell in love. Through some strange quirk of fate she happened to love me back. I thought I was her knight in shining armor, come to take her away. Her parents hated me. We eloped, and they were never heard from again. I think she might have resented me, for leading her into the lifestyle we have now, if she wasn't so infatuated with me. But that's the point, and I know she feels nothing but happiness now that I'm back. It makes me feel like the most horrible person in the world.  
  
The houses here are small, only moderately insulated, and most are colder than would be comfortable. No one really knows one another, because no one cares to, but you learn a few names just for etiquette's sake. We're already in the city, and it's only a ten or fifteen minute walk into a non-residential zone. That's where I headed, walking past familiar street corners that I really hadn't missed in my time away. Pavement peeked out from patches of snow, people hurried past me to get to wherever they were so rushed to get to. It wasn't long before I found myself at my destination, a hole in the wall that was quite identical to all the other hole in the walls in this city. It was a gray place named, simply, Blue, a title that was much to romantic to fit the dirty, rat infested place. It was a bar, with no pretense at being anything more. No food was served here, save the occasional beer nuts and pretzels, no music played over strategically placed speakers, and no beautiful women batted eyelashes at you over the counter for that five dollar tip. No, instead they had Trowa.  
  
"Heero. Looks like you're out of a job."  
  
I took my seat at the bar, next to some blond man I didn't know, and nodded as he poured me a beer.   
  
"Tough luck." Cynical, detached, blunt: I'm surprised some one like Trowa Barton became a bartender. I can't imagine many people would want to keep company with him.  
  
"Hn."  
  
"Good luck finding something in this economy."  
  
And then he turned away, no doubt attending to another patron. I stooped over my beer, vaguely listening as the jingles on the door rang, alerting the barkeep to a new arrival. Footsteps padded down the three steps into the den, and I felt another person's presence settle on the stool beside me. A soft, feminine voice drifted out, reverberating within my ears.  
  
"A scotch and soda, please."  
  
I turned my head, intent to make a quick study of the woman, but found myself unable to look away. Black and white heeled boots ran up slim calves, ending a few inches below her knees. A short black dress started a few inches above, draping loosely over her slender frame. No doubt an inexpensive ensemble, but flattering at the least. Smudged black eyeliner outlined large eyes of every shade of blue and purple, and long chestnut hair streaked with honey trailed down her back in a loose braid. She was beautiful. She shifted around in her stool as she accepted the drink, turning over to look in my direction briefly. She must have noticed me staring at her, since those eyes soon focused on me, her full lips turning up into a smile.  
  
"Do you see something you like?"  
  
I blink, quickly turning back to stare into my beer.  
  
"I don't mind, really, guys stare all the time."  
  
I raise my head to look at her again, and I'm sure my eyes are just a little bit wider from my curiosity. I'm not sure why I'm so interested in this woman, a complete stranger, but nonetheless. "What's you name?"  
  
I feel like a kid. She smiles again, offering a graceful hand. "Duo. Duo Maxwell."  
  
I shake it, and I'm embarrassed that my palms are so sweaty. "I'm Heero Yuy."   
  
"I like that name. Heero, it's unusual. Is it Japanese?"  
  
I nod, now staring back into my beer.  
  
"Heero."   
  
She rolls the 'r' around on her tongue, as if it were a treat to be savored, and I find a small shiver running down my spine.  
  
"So, Heero, what do you do?"  
  
"I just got back from the war."  
  
"Unemployed. It's not so bad, I'm sure, you can probably find some kind of work. And if not there's always welfare."  
  
I just nod.  
  
"I'm a hair dresser myself. I think I make a decent living."  
  
"Oh?" I wonder if that counted as a active contribution to the conversation.  
  
"Umm hmm. So, Heero, when are you going to ask me out?"  
  
I notice that my fingers are fidgeting slightly, and I shift a little on the barstool. "I… well… would you? If I asked, that is, would you go out with me?"  
  
Now I sound like an enamored schoolboy. Great. "Sure. A great looking guy like you? How could I say not?"  
  
I turn up to look at her, and she's smirking. Obviously amused. "Would you like to go out some time then?"  
  
She nods. "Let's say Friday? 7 o'clock? You can pick me up at my place."  
  
She grabs the napkin that came with her drink, scribbling down an address and shoving it into my still sweaty palm.   
  
"Is that okay?"  
  
I nod, weakly, as she turns and leaves. I read the address on the napkin, recognizing the street, and realize it's only a block away from here. Trowa was looking at me speculatively, but I didn't say anything. Instead, I folded the napkin and placed it in my breast pocket, making my way out of the bar. I couldn't believe I was doing this.  
  
* * *  
  
"Do you ever feel like…like maybe you've wasted your whole life? Like there was nothing out there for you any more?" I couldn't believe I was asking Duo these things, but something about her put me at ease. I half expected her to understand, but she just peeked her hand around the corner of the room and looked at me with this strange, you're-so-odd kind of expression.  
  
"Who hasn't?"  
  
I smiled at her answer, sitting on the couch in the living room of her apartment. She was still getting ready, applying the last details to her make-up, I suppose. Suddenly she appeared in the room, wearing a black skirt, red shirt, and black jacket, with the same boots she had on a few days ago.  
  
"Well, get up, then, or else we'll be late to the movie."  
  
"Movie?"  
  
"You're taking me to see Loveless, I hear it's terrific."  
  
I get up, intertwining our arms together before we make our way out of the apartment, and my heart stops for a second as she smiles at me. Her smiles tend to have that kind of effect.   
  
The movie was one of those foreign numbers, convoluted and semi-interesting. I rested my hand atop of hers the entire time. Afterwards we walked together down the sidewalk, arm in arm, stopping inside a twenty-four hour coffee shop. She ordered a latte and biscotti, I ordered a plain coffee, black. It was a quaint coffee shop, owned by a family of some sort. The tables were all sized to fit two, and they were arranged so that the couple was sitting beside one another, instead of opposite of. Duo's thigh rested against mine, and we held hands under the shelter of the table top, her pinky tracing swirls against the spot my wedding band had been resting just a few hours ago.  
  
"There's an indent here."  
  
She's observant. I nod. "I'm recently divorced."  
  
God, that felt awful. Why the hell did I say it? She looks me over, as if she's trying to discern if I'm telling the truth, and either believes me or lets it go. Instead, she lets out her own small revelation.  
  
"I nearly got married once."  
  
"What happened?"  
  
"The guy turned out to be an ass. What you said earlier, about feeling as if you've wasted your life, I'm sure that's what I would be feeling if I had married him."  
  
"Do you ever…feel that way now?"  
  
"Heero," she laughs, and it's somewhat bitter, "I'm a hair dresser. Do you think I've always wanted to be a hair dresser? I wanted to sing, I wanted to be the next Marilyn Monroe, but it just never worked out that way."  
  
"I'm sorry."  
  
"It's not your fault. What's with the philosophical questions, anyway? Are you going through some kind of mid-life crisis?" Her eyes twinkle as she looks over me, leaning just an inch closer. "Even though you look about twenty-six."  
  
"Twenty-eight."  
  
"Oh. You've got three years on me then. So what's your story? Disenchanted lawyer? Businessman, rising to the top, when the war called you away?"  
  
"No, not exactly," I take a sip of my coffee, her eyes intently staring into mine, and I find myself telling her everything. "I never exactly had any parents, so I stayed with my uncle. Whether he was really a blood relation or not, I don't know. He sent me to military school, and when he died they sent me to a public high school. I discovered a penchant for photography, and that's what I decided to do with my life, when the war started. One of my former superiors sought me out, and convinced me to join the war effort. They offered a substantial salary, which would be given to my wife at the time. We needed the money, so I accepted. And now, well, here I am."  
  
"Wow. I think that's the longest I've ever heard you talk." She smiles, and I find myself smiling back. "Maybe you can still become a photographer, maybe take a few shots of something and send them in somewhere. I'm sure you're spectacular."  
  
"I don't have a camera." We both laugh a little, hers a light chuckle really. It's a sweet sound.   
  
The waiter leaves the bill on our table then, and I reach into my pocket for my wallet. I'm a bit sad the evening is drawing to a close, but I don't say anything. We get up from the table, her long fingers intertwining with mine as we walk out of the restaurant and towards her place. She leans against me a little, and I catch whiffs of her perfume, some combination of neroli and lotus flowers. All too soon we were at the door to her apartment complex, neither one letting goof our grip on one another.  
  
"I'd invite you in for coffee, but we already did that part of the evening."  
  
"I should get home, any way, I have to go look for jobs tomorrow."  
  
"Yeah."  
  
I shuffled forward, giving her a small peck on the lips. They were sweet, tasting of strawberry lip gloss.  
  
"Call me?"  
  
I nodded. "I will."  
  
I watched as she turned around disappearing into the building, happier than I had been for years.  
  
* * *  
  
I woke up the next day to find that Relena had already left for work, and I was glad I wouldn't have to deal with the guilt of seeing her. She thought I was trying to find a job yesterday when I had been with Duo, and I hated lying to her. And the thing was I would do it again, just to see the other girl.  
  
The job hunt turned out to be okay. Nothing good happened, but then nothing bad happened either. I weaved my way in and out of dozens of identical buildings, looking for office jobs, assistant jobs, really anything that was available. By the end of the day I found myself with maybe a dozen leads, six of those promising to call me back some time or another. I also found myself a block away from Duo's building, debating whether it was wise of me to call on her or not. The decision was taken out of my hands, however, when I felt something tapping on my shoulder.  
  
"Wha-," I turned around, coming face to face with a pair of laughing amaryllis eyes. "Duo."   
  
"Hey. What are you doing here?"  
  
"I was just looking for a job, and, well, I found myself here."  
  
"Were you planning on ringing me up?" She wrapped her arm around mine, pulling me away from the apartment building. "Because I was just about to take a walk, and it's always nice to have a little company."  
  
Feeling bold, I slipped an arm around her waist, pulling her closer towards me. Her scent filled the air around me, and her head nuzzled against my shoulder. She led me down the streets, into a small park a few blocks down, some kind of green oasis in the industry of the city.  
  
"I never like coming here alone, it always makes me feel so romantically inept. Walking around a park by myself."  
  
I laugh a little. "I can't imagine it's hard for you to find a companion. I'm sure lots of men would love to accompany you any where."  
  
"That's sweet. You're sweet, Heero."  
  
We sat down beneath a tree, me pulling her so she sat half on my lap. "Body heat. So you don't catch a cold."  
  
She laughed, wrapping her arms around my neck. "Okay."  
  
The park was small, but big enough to make you feel as if you weren't in the city anymore. We were enveloped in greenery, frosted over with a sheen of ice blue. It was pleasant, and empty, and I could pretend that the world didn't exist outside the two of us.   
  
"Why did you approach me? In the bar that day?"  
  
"Besides that fact that you're unbearably cute?" She nestled into the crook of my neck, and I could almost see the contemplative frown that was creasing her forehead right now. "Well, you just looked so lost that day. I thought maybe I could be the one to help you find your way. Silly."  
  
"I don't think it's silly. We must look somewhat silly right now though, sitting out here in the middle of winter."  
  
Her laughter fills my ears, and it makes me smile. "I like being out in the middle of winter. No one else is ever around. Except when it snows, then all the kids are out here making all manner of noises."  
  
"Are you…are you glad you approached me that day?"  
  
"If I weren't I wouldn't be sitting on your lap now."  
  
Her hair's pulled into a low ponytail today, and I take the opportunity to run my fingers through it. It's softer than anything I've ever felt before, or maybe I'm just biased. "Do you think our relationship is going anywhere?"  
  
She shifts a little, uncomfortably. "I don't know, Heero, we've been on one date. Really, we barely know each other. And maybe you won't like me when we do."  
  
"That's impossible. How could I not?"  
  
"You don't know me, Heero, you could hate me for all manner of reasons. Maybe I'm a republican, and you're a die hard democrat, maybe-"  
  
"Duo, I don't care about what you are."  
  
"I don't know, you just might."  
  
"I won't." I sigh into her hair. "It's just that I think, maybe, that I've never felt before the way I've felt with you. And I think, maybe, that we could be something really great. But that's just what I think."  
  
* * *  
  
"Heero, whatever happened to us?"  
  
I turned around from where I was washing dishes, focusing on Relena. She looked tired, sitting there in her nurse's uniform, waiting for my answer.  
  
"We were so happy when we started. And now…now, where are we?"  
  
I move to sit across from her on the table, answering honestly. "I don't know. Sometimes, I guess, two people just aren't meant to be."  
  
"I guess so." She smiles, but it's weak, worn out. "I still love you."  
  
"I love you too, Lena. I'll always love you. I just don't think we're in love, any more."   
  
"I know." She laughs a little. "So, what do we do now?"  
  
"I'm sure your family would take you back, now that I'm out of the picture. We can call, write, e-mail, stay in touch. Be friends."  
  
"Yeah. Friends." She reaches across the table, grasping my hands with hers, and we sit like that for a while before she interrupts the silence. "I'll get the divorce papers tomorrow, and I'll move out as soon as I contact my parents again. I'll miss you."  
  
She moved out a few days later, leaving just one thing in the house. It was a gift-wrapped box, waiting for me on our bed when I came home from my first day of work. It was a camera.  
  
* * *  
  
Duo laughed, running away from me teasingly only to trip onto her couch. I followed her movements through the viewfinder of my camera, taking a picture with each footstep. Her glowing eyes watched me through the frame, mouth turned up in a smile.  
  
"Heero, you're blinding me."  
  
I chuckle, sitting next to her on the couch and pulling her close.  
  
"And you're wasting film. How many photographs did you take?"  
  
"Only about a roll's worth."  
  
"You have to stop."  
  
"What if I don't want to?"   
  
She pouted at me adorably, reaching up to take the camera away as I held it out of her reach.  
  
"Hey! No fair!"  
  
I laugh even as she stumbles, falling right into my lap. I put down the camera, which is soon forgotten, as I place a hand on her hip and lower my lips to hers. She watches me as I descend, and I swear it takes forever to reach her. Our mouths meet in gentle presses, at first so light and gentle they feel like brushes of air, then firm and more demanding. I sneak my tongue out to trace between her lips, and she parts them willingly, allowing me access to the inner recesses of her mouth. It's amazing, this kiss, and I find myself drowning in it as I taste the inside off her mouth, finally meeting her tongue in a gentle, teasing wrestle. I could do this forever.  
  
We're still kissing as I lay my hand on the soft skin of her thigh, eager to feel more of her. Her skin feels like silk against mine, which I know is callous and rough after years of warfare. I stroke my way up her inner thigh, mildly surprised as she pushes my hand back down. I break off our kiss, lifting us both up into sitting position, her sprawled on my lap.  
  
"Are we moving too fast, do you think?"  
  
"This is only our fifth date, Heero. I'm comfortable with the kissing, I just don't think I'm ready to move further yet."  
  
"Okay. I mean, I'm fine with that." And I was. I didn't mind waiting until she was comfortable, no matter how much my hormones were yelling at me otherwise.  
  
She smiles, and I smile back. It's contagious. "Thank you. Are you going to take more pictures of me now?"  
  
She places her a hand beneath her head, the other on her hip, and makes an expression of mock sultriness.   
  
"Only if you promise not to pose like that."  
  
We both laugh, her still cradled on my lap. "Promised."  
  
"But really, I'd rather hear you sing."  
  
"Really?"  
  
"You have an amazing singing voice." I'm not lying, and she knows it. Her smile widens as her eyes twinkle at me, and I'm glad I said it.   
  
* * *  
  
Trowa placed a beer in front of me, and my eyebrow raises at the concern evident in his eyes.  
  
"So you and Duo are getting serious."  
  
I shrug. "Jealous?"  
  
"Heero."  
  
"Yeah, well, I'm thinking of asking her to move in with me, or maybe moving to her place, whichever she wants to do. Do you think she'll agree to it?"  
  
"Heero, you barely know each other. What has it been now? A week?"  
  
"Two." I'm getting a little angry at where this conversation was heading. "And I know her well enough."  
  
"I'm just saying, you don't know everything about her, and maybe you shouldn't be rushing things like you are."  
  
And with that comment he moves away, not giving me the time to make a rebuttal.   
  
* * *  
  
By the time I was supposed to meet Duo for dinner I was still a little angry at Trowa. I knew he meant well, it's just that I was perfectly capable of taking care of myself. I stood in front of her building, waiting for her to come and get me. I smiled as the door swung open and she appeared, but I guess it just wasn't sincere enough.  
  
"Are you okay?"  
  
I nod. "It's nothing, really."  
  
Duo frowned, but she didn't push the subject. "Okay. Come in then."  
  
I followed her up the stairs and into her apartment, sitting down on the couch. The smell of pasta and tomato sauce wafted in from the kitchen.  
  
"I made Italian. Hope that's okay."  
  
"It's great."  
  
"Do you want a pre-dinner drink? Everything's not quite ready yet."  
  
"Do you need help?" I started to get up but she pushed me back down on the couch.  
  
"No, you just stay there. Drink?"  
  
"No thanks."  
  
She made her way back into the kitchen, and I could hear the noises of pots and pans as she hurried to finish. I sat there fidgeting for about five minutes nervous about my upcoming proposition. I think Duo and I had connected, but that didn't mean we were ready to move in together. And I really wanted her to say yes. I spent another five minutes trying to calm myself down. Then she appeared from the kitchen, two glasses of soda in her hand.  
  
"It'll be about fifteen more minutes. Cooking time and all that."   
  
She presses a glass into my hand and takes the seat beside me.   
  
"I hope you don't mind."  
  
"No, I… well, I wanted to talk to you anyway."  
  
"That's never a good thing, is it, when a man wants to talk." She places her glass down on the table and I realize she must be as nervous as I am now.  
  
"It's not, though. I mean not really." I realized before that our relationship has to start off on the right foot, which is why I'm about to tell her what I am. "When I met you, Duo, I was married."  
  
She blinks, obviously a little confused. "What, as in, separated?"  
  
"No. We were still living together, and-"  
  
"And now you want to break off this little affair. I get it."  
  
"No! That's the last thing I want to do. We got divorced, last week." I take a breath, glad that Duo was at least listening to me and giving me a chance. "I just wanted to tell you, get all the secrets out of the way, before I asked."  
  
"Ask?"  
  
"I wanted to know if you would move in with me." I smile in what I hoped was a comforting and encouraging manner. "It seems like the next logical step in our relationship."  
  
She's not making eye contact with me, now, and I take it as a bad sign. "Okay. Well, I don't know. You really don't know everything about me, and-"  
  
"Then tell me. Tell me, and then move in with me."  
  
"Okay. I will then."  
  
I was a little surprised then, when she got up instead of telling me. She wandered over to the fireplace, standing directly in front of me, and I realized how nervous she was. She kept shifting from one foot to another, eyes downcast and unable, or maybe just unwilling, to meet mine. She turned around, unzipping the back of her dress and letting it slide down to pool at her feet. She wasn't wearing anything underneath.  
  
"Duo," I was about to tell her to stop when she turned around, my mouth hanging open in shock. She was a boy.  
  
Her eyes gazed into mine, begging me to say something, anything. But I was frozen. I was stunned. I was horrified. I got up and ran, jumping through the door and stumbling down the stairs. Desperate calls followed my departure, but I wasn't listening to her- to him. She was a boy.   
  
I just… I couldn't… I didn't know anything anymore. It wasn't until I was three blocks down that I realized my whole situation. All our kisses, our embraces, they rushed back in a flood in my mind. I felt sick. A wave of nausea swept through me, and I bent over a nearby trashcan, emptying my stomach of the day's nourishments. I can't believe I had been kissing a boy. I can't believe I had asked a boy to move in with me.  
  
I was disgusted. With Duo, with myself. And I was angry for the deception. How could he… how could he play with my emotions like that? How could he lie like that? He was sick. It was all just… sickening.  
  
Somehow I made my way back home, even though I was so caught up in my own musings. I thought, at least, I hadn't ever told him my home address, and I was glad for it. At least one thing that I was glad for that night. I brushed my teeth for fifteen minutes before showering for forty-five, then crept into my bed to fall asleep. I wished I had listened to Trowa, wished I had asked him what he had meant. I wished I had never met Duo. I wished the he had never approached me in the first place. But the point is, he had.  
  
I lay in my bed, staring up at the ceiling. I guess the only thing I could do now was forget. That was the only thought in my head as sleep claimed me that night. I should forget Duo. Just erase him completely from my memory. I would go on with my life.  
  
As for as I was concerned, Duo Maxwell had never existed.  
  
The thought comforted me, lulling me into a gentle slumber. A cliché sprang forth in my mind, and I chuckled lightly at its relevance.  
  
Tomorrow would be the first day of the rest of my life.  
  
  
~owari~   



End file.
